It actually began last night.
I decided I am going to try going back to my old breakfast, the one I ate for a year straight before 6 weeks of something completely different. I have been kind of silently freaking out about this decision for 12 hours now.
Starting around last June, I began eating squash for breakfast. First it was spaghetti squash, since I was diagnosed with candida, and that is an allowed carb. I would add nuts and seeds, some nut butter, coconut oil and cinnamon, and it was pretty darn good. Then, I bumped it up a notch to acorn squash; I knew that the candida diet was not going to solve my SIBO issues, and I needed carbs. I had always needed carbs in the morning, and SCD and GAPS say squash is acceptable. I took nut butter out of the mix and added my SCD 24 hour homemade goat yogurt or Bio-k. I experimented with buttercup and butternut also. I had really good success when I added a little bit of sweet potato, as I had read in a post that adding some yucca, sweet potato etc to your diet maybe was good to feed your beneficial flora. And it did seem to do just that. But at one point I got scared of the mannitol and starch and went back just to straight squash.
On June 26 of this year, I went down to the Dominican Republic for a wedding. It was at an all inclusive resort, and most of our meals were at a buffet. Naturally I was a little nervous about having so little control over my diet, so I brought down a small jar of coconut oil, a jar of nut butter, cinnamon, and a bag of sunflower seeds. What ended up happening was that for breakfast I would eat scrabbled eggs, a few slices of smoked salmon, and then a little concoction of the oil/cinnamon/nut butter/nuts. The whole thing was actually quite delicious and very satisfying. It helped me get over my need for carbs in the morning. I thought it might actually prevent me from having attacks too, since I was getting rid of that sugar from the squash in my gut first thing.
Well, I am not sure that it has helped anything. First of all, I started seeing mucous in my stool right away. At first I thought it might be candida; the homeopathic remedy I am on is for candida, and I thought wow, its working, it's coming out! Then I realized the egg and mucous connection. 6 weeks later, and the eggs are still producing mucous in the stool, even if I add toast to my breakfast (in an attempt to eat like a normal person). I began experimenting with adding no-no foods; see at the resort, everything was cooked with onions. And onions have proved to be a potential problem. Sometimes I can get away with them, but if conditions are right/wrong, they can lead to an attack. I seemed to be fine while away, so I decided to keep playing with fire upon my return. Well, I have had a lot of attacks in the past few weeks. I'd say one a week at least. And this is after having maybe 4 in 6 months when I was eating my squash for breakfast and playing very safe.
When I was eating my squash brekkie, it seemed to be better for my beneficial flora. I have def been a bit less "effortless" in the bathroom. I think that because of less flora, I have turned to things like more apples in the mornings and more juices containing carrots and beets in an attempt to move things along. This in turn has lead to more attacks. Eating the squash never provoked any attacks.
Regardless, I am terrified now of any change whatsoever, especially where it concerns sugar. Obvs squash is higher in sugar than the zucchini omelettes or chicken stir-fries I have been making (plus the nut butter concoction). But, it never seemed to trigger an attack, and I have had multiple attacks while having the egg/meat breakfast. It's hard people, it's hard when you can't trust food but you gotta eat.
So I am scared. Very very very very scared. What if now I am worse? What if now I can't handle my beloved squash? What if I keep getting worse to the point where I can't eat any carbs at all, and then I will never be able to poop! It's a maddening place to be, my mind.
I am trying not to be scared. I am telling myself that I believe in my health, in my body. I am going to do my stress MindFit now and then eat the damn squash. As you know with SIBO, it doesn't necessarily even happen right away; an attack will sneak up on you because of an accumulation of fibre and sugar and prebiotics or whatever it is for you. So I will eat it and then try so hard not to think about it. I will be full of love and excitement for this amazing day. I will focus on the other aspects of my blessed life. Perhaps I will need 2 meditations today.
Wish me luck
Sending love, health and happiness,
L
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